Clinton Confirms She’s on the Koch Payroll

April 1, 2016

Wichita, Kan. – In a tweet Friday morning, Koch Industries, Inc. confirmed that Clinton is indeed receiving funds that link directly back to the CEO of the second largest privately held company in the U.S. – Charles Koch.

“To those who know me best, this doesn’t come as a surprise at all,” Clinton said.

She recently flew to China – on Koch’s tab. Clinton explains why she accepts checks from one of the billionaire Koch Brothers.

“I’ve been solving problems to make things run smoothly across the country – and around the world – for years,” Clinton said. “I actually go to Koch’s headquarters in Wichita a lot. When I’m there, I eat in the café every day. I just love the stir fry.”

Apart from her appetite for Asian cuisine, another little known fact about Clinton is that she was once the mayor of Wesley Chapel, North Carolina, a town currently home to 7,462 residents.

“Even in a small town, politics is a tough job,” Clinton said. “It’s hard to maintain integrity and ethics when you’re surrounded by others who don’t hold the same values you do. But who I am matches Koch’s principles – they just mesh with my personal values.”

Tracey Clinton is an employee of INVISTA, a Koch company. And you’ve been April Fooled.